Coming out of hiding

Sigh. I thought I was on a roll. Even if I was only posting Tell Me Thursdays, at least I was posting weekly. Then I hit a busy week and the Tell Me Thursday questions made me think more (I'm so bad at questions like "What fictional character would you like to be. I think too hard about my answers) so I put it off and then got exhausted. And I find the reasons for my continued absence amusing.

I recently decided I've got some anxiety issues. They've always been there but have gotten worse and mostly seem to revolve around things that need to be done and not having enough time (my time management is not what it used to be and I'm always running late). When I get overwhelmed about everything I have to do (and it doesn't take much these days), I tend to shut down and not want to do anything. Out of sight, out mind, right? Of course that just allows more stuff to pile up. It's a vicious cycle.

I knew I needed to get back to my blog to write and to finish my redesign (which I'm doing by myself even though I really don't have the necessary skills). Add that to everything else I've been doing the last couple weeks and I did shut down and this is where things start to amuse me. Normally, when I'm avoiding real life, I procrastinate with the internet or TV. But part of what needed to be done was on the internet. That's the only reason I can come up with for why I barely touched my computer while I was in hiding. I checked my Twitter feed and my email on my phone and used my laptop to look up a few things but I also went days without once opening the lid. So unlike me. My husband constantly teases me about the time I spend on the computer and when I get annoyed about things loading too slowly, he tells me he's sad that I'm fighting with my "best friend."

So yeah, that's why it sorta cracks me up that I was hiding from real life but also from my number one hiding place.

A New Direction

I started this blog with good intentions. But as can be seen by my overall lack of posts and the almost nine months since my effort, good intentions don't write blogs. Things have become pretty muddled.

As a stay at home mom, I haven't exercised my brain in far too long. In the last year I can probably count the number of books I've read on one hand. That alone is an epic fail for the me; I used to lose myself in books. I'd have two or three going at one time. If that isn't convincing enough, I did major in English in college. And forget writing. Now I find that even the simplest writing tasks have become difficult. I've been using bad grammar and misspelling like crazy. I've become lazy and have lost all motivation for just about anything. In a way, I've lost myself.

As this year comes to a close and my son's first birthday is about to pass, I've decided it's time for a change, a new direction. Don't bring me down, New Year's resolution haters. I fully agree that we shouldn't wait for the new year to make changes in our lives but I made this decision as the last month of the year came out of nowhere. Besides, I always work better with a firm framework. So I'm going to give this thing a try. If I keep up my resolve, as I hope I will, I'll chronicle my journey here, among the many other ramblings I hope to have.

My hopes are that within this next year I will accomplish the goals I will set for myself. Hopefully, I'll regain my writing skills along the way. And while I know this is currently a readerless blog, I hope that perhaps someday, someone like me will come across this and find that she is not alone.

Let the countdown to the New Year and new me(or rediscovery of the old me) begin!